On the first week of Easter break, nearly 70 UBUCers journeyed down to Cornwall for wonderful week of diving and adventures. Read about the chaos we got up to 🙂
Friday 20th – Jack
Clothes (and beverages) are loaded into cars at Bristol before heading off the journey to the campsite. Lewis’ car motors off before the roosters crow with boats in tow to meet an early Tesco delivery, and Steph is stuck in an endless phone war with the van rental over a warning light, only to keep getting calls back saying they forgot to send someone out.
Before heading off, Dom and I are given a manifesto of items to pick up on the way, extending our already lengthy journey. We take to the roads, with the other drivers also departing at similar time. Will is pulling into Costco, with particular emphasis on dried mango and crates of Guinness on the receipt. The van is on the move, Cornwall Services is a UBUC hotspot, and Cian rallies together a preorder for the pub later in the week.
At the caravan site, the early birds receive the food order and, with too much time on their hands, build a fort in anticipation of everyone’s arrival. Harry decided that he missed the old caravan site too much, making a brief stop to kiss it goodbye, and after almost 7 hours of driving to pick things up, Dom exclaims in the car “I’m not getting your damn clotted cream!”, much to Kai’s dismay.
As the night falls and all cars are parked at the campsite, everyone stretches their legs and descends on the committee caravan to collect their food as if it were war rations. The kettles are put on, and bowls of pasta accompanied with a beer mark an end to the day.
Saturday 21st – Joe
I wish that every day I could wake up at 6am for the joy of immersing myself in cold water. Today is my lucky day! Myself and the other victims of the Caving to Diving Pipeline are soon on the roadside listening to Diving Officer Hope’s master plan to get a platoon of trainees in the water by 9am. Most of us tuned out to what he was saying (it’s mostly fluff anyway) and instead appreciated the very pretty view over the Channel.
I’d been very fortunate to get all of my OD lessons done before this year’s PK, which meant I’d get prescribed mandatory ‘fun’ diving. This more or less translates to being able to “go and do whatever you want”, which is an amusing contrast to the strict training and constructive criticism I was used to getting from instructors on my training dives. Buddied up with Nick (the blonde man with the sexy mustache and mullet), we soon found ourselves finning towards the reef, eager to find out what this much anticipated trip had in store for us.
The water was stunning – until now the best vis I’d had on a dive would have been in the Richmond Building’s pool, followed by barely being able to see my hands somewhere on the sea floor in West Bay. For a half hour we paddled, surprisingly warm in 12mm of neoprene and waving to every fish and lobster we saw. However, there is no pack of cards without a knave, which came in the form of realisation that my £5 E-Bay dive computer was indeed ‘for parts only’ – it now believed I was at 85.5m and had broken every diving rule known to man.
We eventually turned the dive and as we made our way back to (almost) the shore, we were shocked to see a HUGE octopus emerging from the kelp, a look in its eyes as if it were trying to say something. Neither me nor Nick knew what to do apart from stare in awe – I tried to sign to it that I was going to eat it for dinner – I’m not sure if the message got through. I then blamed it for breaking my computer which I think it understood, but have no way to be sure.
A luscious nap in the sun and another family friendly reef dive with Cian (r.i.p. leg ☹️) came and went, and soon our main focus had become booze. The sneaky committee had tried to pin the responsibility of the booze fest on the poor and weary cavers (+ Sam R and Zack), but this was a foolish strategy as we had soon funnelled every human on camp into their caravan – their measly protests were no match against our valiant efforts to microwave their forks and steal their hobs. An immense amount of Guiness was consumed out of the BeerCD, this would surely have no negative affect on the next day of diving….
Sunday 22nd – Sam E.
The day began with a lovely 8 am briefing, still far too early for those who partook in the previous nights caravan party, but softened by Lewis’ Amazon inspired stretching session.
Weather was absolutely amazing, furthering the streak of good luck for all the ODs on the weekend ticket. Both training and boat dives continued on once again. Me and Tom finished the day as the first qualified ODs of the trip, due to the ‘YAY DIVING’ attitude on display by Alex, who took us out for our final dive (his 4th of the day). We went through the passage in the middle of the reef, after hearing reports of a conger eel hunting and a large octopus, but unfortunately none were to be seen.
The evening social was a chill bonfire on the beach, (Smores were present), where we were blessed with a “well rehearsed” interpretive dance performance by Dan and Olly. Although, some memories are best left at PK…
Monday 23rd – Nicola
The day started like any other with Rich sending one of his deeply appreciated photos of PK, couldn’t ask for a better wake up call. The 7:30 brief had a lot of tired faces which quickly cheered up with the promise of… drumroll… a night dive and a trip to the Mohegan!
First wave of divers ended with four newly qualified Ocean Divers!! Immediately after, four trainee sports divers were then selected, with little to no notice, to lead their first dive on the Volnay. Most of them never having taken an ocean diver before. Combine running around to get kit ready with the need to stay calm to set a good example and you get controlled chaos. Who doesn’t love a bit of chaos!
The first boats set off… the second only missing one person… but the beach was completely empty. Then suddenly Felix appears!! Better late than never, at least he brought the enthusiasm. All four groups managed to locate the boiler rooms and achieve a depth of 19.6m. A successful boat dive with four very happy OD’s.
The next wave of boats went out for slack time on the Mohegan a whole hour early!! Was it enthusiasm… orrrr maybe Lewis’ watch was an hour ahead winning him dick of the day. However, the hour waiting by the buoy was not wasted, a good dancing session to heart radio and an aesthetic photoshoot passed the time.
What should everyone else do while most of the instructors were away? Correct – a ten-person dive!!!!! If you think that’s not enough chaos just wait till you hear about the camping chair that Jack decided to bring along.
Overall, a very fun dive with a successful photoshoot from Amelie of Jack in his chair. Maybe not to be repeated especially with the very long surface swim Jack and I had to do. Kit packed away, and the instructors returned happy with their dive.
Back at the campsite, food had arrived and everyone started prepping for the night dive. Starting at 8:30, a small group showed up ready for the dive. People in wetsuits really did not enjoy putting them back on especially after finding out most people had bailed as they were too tired, but night dives are always worth it. People managed to spot squid, cuttlefish, eels, a very tiny worm and loads of other small creatures. Dives were a success and three groups somehow emerged on the main PK beach. Clearly not so easy to navigate in the dark. Tired but happy, we all retired back to camp for a good nights sleep.
Tuesday 24th – Theo C.
My first full day at PK started with piling in to a static home with everyone for a 8:30am briefing about the day ahead. Overcast and windy day so mostly only training dives were planned. By 10am everyone was at the dive site and hesitantly putting on cold and WETsuits. After some not-so-dry runs of our sports diver lesson on shore in the rain, Sophie, Amelie and I went for a quick dive and managed to complete our SO3 lesson before we froze to death.
A few divers have reported having seen octopi and they’re apparently confident and quite large! Many big spider crabs have been found hanging about on kelp, and countless beautiful sea stars are meandering around the reef too. Some ocean divers qualified today and there were rescue lessons happening also.
Getting out after the dives was half the challenge, with a slippery trek up a wet stone slope necessitating maximum caution from everyone; no big falls happened as far as I know. A surprisingly wet Casper emerged from the sea with complaints about his dry suit but he too had seen a big octopus so he wasn’t displeased. All sorts of attempts at getting warm and dry were on display today, none of which seemed to quite satisfy.
Leaving the dive site, everyone seems eager for a couple of hours of downtime and a big old pub dinner. After a boozy walk along the coastline in the wind, everyone arrived at Cadgwith Cove Inn for some hearty food and even heartier sea shanty and folk song singing. The jugs of lager made the rounds and seemed to keep ending up in the hands of Felix who took to drinking straight out of the jug and therefore putting anyone else off drinking it, which I found quite amusing.
After plenty of singing, laughter and tears, the night came to an end and somehow everyone who walked back managed to find their way home, only falling in a few bushes along the way. Success!
Wednesday 25th – Nick
Wednesday dawned over what can only be described as a weakened camp. The previous night at the pub had clearly taken its toll, and the group shuffled into Helston Spoons looking fragile, pale, and in urgent need of grease-based intervention. Over a restorative breakfast and several liters of coffee, a plan emerged. Two factions formed. Phil led the brave and still functioning to Silver Steps in Falmouth for diving. The rest of us, displaying rare self-awareness, opted for a conservation-themed recovery mission at the seal sanctuary in Gweek.
At Gweek, we were greeted by a collection of extremely cute seals who, quite frankly, seemed to be living in far nicer conditions than our caravan park. We learned about rescue work, rehabilitation, and the impressive number of seals released this season.
Post-education, we relocated to Roskilly’s for ice cream, which was consumed with a pace that hinted at deeper issues.
Meanwhile, the dive group had an actually productive day, seeing plenty of life and with Luis, Felix and Ben returning triumphantly with two large crabs. These were later transformed into a genuinely impressive crab linguine, proving that some members of the club do, in fact, possess real skills.
As evening fell, a small party ventured to Lizard Point. There, we witnessed a spectacular sunset while enduring winds that attempted to remove us from Cornwall entirely. A defensive huddle was formed for survival. Lewis, mysteriously, was always in the prime, warmest central position…
Thursday 26th – Amelie
We pry our eyes open for another early day of diving, once again missing Sophie’s wakeup call. Tea in hand, the divers reconvene at the old fart’s caravan, pushed to our limits with today’s stretch; arm raises…
After a race to PK, the first wave of Volnay boat divers are ushered off to launch as the remaining shore divers suit up. Tilly and I head off in search of the illusive octopus while Nicola, Georgia, Steph and James complete SO3 on the Volnay. Georgia makes an incredible save of James’ line cutter, but the same cannot be said of Dom’s 14kg weight belt. After heading back, Marnie, James and Steph begin plotting their long awaited revenge on Lewis…
Second wave! With Lewis preoccupied by the boats, scheming is put into action. Borrowing a power drill from the PK compressor operator, they make light work of Lewis’ car tyre. As the roar of the two stroke engines become audible, Marnie launches the tyre into her car and treks it up the hill to the Viking ship. Pen running low, it’s just enough to construct a riddle – will he find the hiding place?
Lewis arrives to a giggling crowd as we all avert our gaze from his car; a poor attempt at nonchalance. After discovering the riddle, all hell breaks loose. James, finding his phone missing, receives a threatening image of a tidal rock alongside a question:
“Do we think this rock is above high water”?
No…
“Better be quick then”.
As James faces the waves, Marnie’s car keys find their way halfway up the PK cliff – bravely retrieved by Steph.
Amid the chaos, reluctant rescue lesson plans are made thanks to the kind sacrifices of Georgia, Sophie and Rich. Marnie, James, Nicola, Millie and I survive SO1 after yells of “TOFU”, mild waterboarding in the crash zone and a near mask casualty. Sophie and Ben begin the creation of the UBUC sign but become the second victim of a misplaced phone.
As AI doctored images circulate the group chat of Lewis’ “broken-down” car, we embark on an evening curry night. The PK café owner gifts us poppadom’s, chutneys, samosas, onion bhajis and naan from his truck. After comparing sleeping positions on the astroturf, Nick and James reveal a secretly organized thank-you gift to the instructors – booze, chocolate and oh so precious mini eggs. Fueled by a sugar high, we dash back for many people’s final night.
Friday 27th – Olive
We began the day with an early 7am start, with the plan to meet at the dive site for 8am. Being the last official day of the the trip, everybody packed their bags and left the caravan park, leaving each caravan in pristine condition (after all we want to stay here next year).
Once on site, we were greeted with rainy weather and harsh wind, but this wasn’t enough to bring down the spirit. People started setting up kit for their first dives, marking the beginning of a chill day of diving. By the end of the day, people managed to finish their training and others enjoyed some fun dives, including some boat trips to the Volnay. Finds of the day included an octopus and a massive Conger Eel, which left James and Sophie fearing for their lives. Dick of the day included Ollie peeing himself in the club dry suit on the way back to the shore (honourable mention goes to Jack for his attempt at pranking Marnie).
First people to leave included Casper, Georgia and Marnie (her car was luckily okay after Jack’s tinkering), who packed their cars to the brim with luggage and fellow club members. Farewells were told and hugs were given, though no tears were shed as there are more trips to come.
Those remaining packed up kit and headed back for a chill afternoon, ready for a dinner booking for 6pm at the Cadgwith Cove Inn. We ate some lovely dinner and convened at the bar to listen to some sea shanties and get hammered (obviously). The locals were lovely and the vibes were great, but it was eventually time to leave, sparing the locals’ ears and patience.
After a quick rest at the neighboring beach we headed back via the treacherous coastal path, with Gary’s banging flute solos still stuck in our minds. There were no fatalities, with only minor injuries occurring, and everyone made it back safe, eager to pile into the two remaining caravans and pass out.
One could say it was the perfect evening to bring the PK week to an end!
Saturday 28th – Dom
The day started as expected – with headaches and squinting at the sunlight pouring in through the window, waking us from wherever we had passed out. Phil, who was sharing the floor with me, complained about the “nuclear reactors worth” of heat I was radiating throughout the night. Luis demanded for the 14th time to know if I had his phone. We all laughed about how ridiculously hungover and sleep deprived we all were.
I was the first to leave with Phil and Luis to track down Luis’ phone. Miraculously it had survived a night on the beach where it had been dropped. It had probably had a more comfortable night than me. We all then headed to spoons. The obligatory spoons breakfast went as it always does, with Lewis ordering far too much food and eating about half of it. While eating, it transpired that of the two caravans that we had used that night, one had 3 people in, while the other had 11. Meaning Lewis, Georgia and Tilly had all piled into one bed for no reason.
We then all got back into cars for the gruelling drive home. Lewis was so hungover (even after swearing he was not going to get that that drunk last night) that Alex had to drive for him. I can only imagine the back seat driving that occurred on that drive home. Phil, the driver of my car, decided to stop at Trago Mills – a department store straight out of the 70s, and for some reason also a zoo.
After getting back to stores, we sent for the minions. Everyone who had left after the first weekend appeared to help clean up the boats and dive kit. After a long few hours of spraying everything down, we all went home and slept for about 14 hours straight.
Overall, certainly a PK to remember! Congrats to anyone who finished their qualification and ’till next year!
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